So say all the sappy love songs I've ever heard...

“A woman's heart should be so deeply hidden in Christ that it takes a man seeking God to find it.” - Unknown

Up until, oh maybe five minutes ago, I had no plans to write on this subject anytime soon...and then I heard the new Michael Buble song, “Haven’t Met You Yet’, and I was inspired.

Why? Because what’s the reason that we practice the virtue of modesty? So that we can remain pure, but also so that we can help our brothers in Christ remain pure. And another amazing thing that we can do, something that comes hand in hand with modesty, is to pray for “our guys”...especially one specific guy, our future husbands.

Yah, yah, I know that sounds cheesy, but the power of prayer is so incredible! And you never know who or what might be just around the corner. I love the comfort of knowing that he’s out there somewhere, and that there is something that I can do for him, even though I have no idea who he is.

“I might have to wait,

I’ll never give up.

I guess it's half timin', and the other half's luck.

Wherever you are,

Whenever it's right,

You'll come outta nowhere and into my life!

And I know that we can be so amazin',

And baby, your love is gonna change me,

And now I can see every possibility.

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out,

You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,

And I promise you kid, I'll give so much more than I get,

I just haven't met you yet!”

I certainly don’t want anything to happen to him, and I can only pray that he doesn’t make too many mistakes (or even better, none at all). There’s a comfort in knowing that Someone knows exactly where those prayers need to go, and that He’ll make sure they get to him.

I’ve heard of women who write letters to their future husbands, and men who write letters to their future wives. I can’t help but wonder sometimes how beautiful it must be to exchange those as you exchange your wedding vows. Not only that, but just knowing that there was someone out there who cared about you that much before they even met you? Wow! Seriously, tell me how that’s not absolutely crazily romantic and sexy?

Even though I know that nobody is perfect, I like to follow that up with the ridiculously cheesy line “there’s still someone who’s perfect for me”. Yet, I know that the most important thing is to keep my sights focused on the person who IS perfect...God. Like the quote from the beginning of this post, the best thing that any woman will ever do is to make God her number one. Because once that happens, the man who has to find her in Him will be well worth every moment of waiting. What could be better?

So, lose yourself in God, let Him be your guide, and He’ll bring you to where you need to be. And no matter what happens, you’ll always have the most amazing Man ever in your life!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

“Modesty is a reflex, arising naturally to help a woman protect her hopes and guide their fulfillment – specifically this hope for one man. Of course, along with this hope comes a certain vulnerability, because every time a man fails to stick by us, our hopes are, in a sense, dashed. This is where modesty fits in. For modesty armed this special vulnerability – not to oppress women, but with the aim of putting them on equal footing with men.” - Wendy Shalit, “A Return to Modesty”

You’re getting ready for your first date with this amazing guy who you haven’t known for long, but you just KNOW that he’s going to treat you right. You’re all primped up and waiting for him to come knock on your door, and then it happens. Your worst nightmare. He honks his horn at you from your driveway...

Ouch! Life’s tough sometimes, and it doesn’t always quite meet our expectations. Does that mean that we shouldn’t have those expectations in the first place though, or does it mean that something else is just not right?

When you were a kid, how often were you told by your dad or some other mentor that you should ALWAYS make guys treat you like a princess? I know my dad told me that, and still tells me that, all the time. He even took me out for my “first date” on my sixteenth birthday and at the end of the night explained to me that I should expect nothing less than how he treated me from any other guy. Thanks Daddy!

Yet, the older I get, the more I wonder...how many guys out there actually know how to treat a girl like a princess? I mean, holding car doors open and pulling a chair out for a gal is so old fashioned these days, no one does that stuff anymore, right? But wow, I sure wish it wasn’t. Even though it feels like I’ll never get that kind of treatment, I still expect it and I still want it. I think it’s a desire that’s in every woman’s heart (and guys would be smart to know, and listen, to that).

I love that song by JoJo, you know, the one with the lyrics that go “if you want me so much, then I have to know are you thoughtful and kind, do you care what’s on my mind. Or am I just for show? You’ll go far in this world if you know how to touch a girl.” It reminds me that the desire to treated like a lady isn’t old fashioned, that it still matters. Because if you know how to treat a girl, you’ll be able to win her over completely, and that’s saying a lot!

Why is it so important though, that we hold on to these expectations? Well, I don’t know if my answer is completely THE answer, but I’ll definitely take a shot at explaining why. To me, I know that it is important that I can feel loved, but how do I measure love? When someone is willing to go out of their way to take care of me, remind me that they’re looking out for me, that they’re thinking about me...that’s when I know that they really love me. Because of this, I feel that it’s extremely important that outward expressions of care and affection are shown, but I also think that these expressions should be ones of respect.

Respect...and THAT is what is boils down to. A woman wants to respect herself. When someone else, especially a guy, shows her that he respects her, it is then that she starts to truly be able to respect herself.

In every girl’s heart is the deep and powerful longing to be cared for, to be loved, to be respected, and to be treated like a REAL princess. So is chivalry dead? I don’t know...guys, why don’t you tell me? Or even better: PROVE IT!

Silence CAN be golden!

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” - C.S. Lewis

Is love easy? Wow, isn’t that a question for the record books!? I could say so many things about it, but no matter what I said, those words would never describe it’s true meaning or what it can be. Love is the absolute hardest thing that anyone can feel, yet the most amazingly simple thing. It is painful, full of hardships and sacrifice, it hurts a lot; yet somehow it manages to be the most satisfying and thrilling thing that any two persons will ever experience. And how is this so? Because it is LOVE, and that is what everyone longs for.

Why are we so willing to risk the heartbreak and the pain for something we’re sometimes not even sure about ourselves? It’s because we’re seeking something greater and more beyond what we could ever possibly imagine. Love is the fulfillment of everything that we are, what we want to be, what we do and what we believe. Because of this, we’re willing to risk everything that we have in order to give and receive it. But sometimes, we can let our hearts get carried away and fall too hard, too fast. This is where something called “emotional modesty” comes in.

Emotional modesty is something that I didn’t even know existed until about a year ago. I kinda had an idea about it, but I didn’t actually know that there was a name for it, or that it was just as important as physical modesty. I learned about the basics of emotional modesty when I took a class on the Theology of the Body, and then I was able to put a name to it during a Q&A session this past summer.

It’s actually one of the most useful things I’ve ever heard of. It banks off of the idea of Proverbs 4:23, “With closest custody, guard your heart; for in it are the sources of life.” All of us, men and women alike, need to learn how to protect ourselves from falling for “that special someone” overnight. Love at first sight? I don’t quite agree with that. Sure, infatuation can happen in an instant, but are you willing to believe that a man can look at a woman (or vice versa) and instantly be willing to sacrifice his entire life for someone he doesn’t know? Now THAT would be impressive!

See the thing with emotional modesty is that it’s meant to help us, so that we don’t get our hearts broken every week. Do you remember that first crush you had in middle school or junior high? You would always bump into your crush and try to find little excuses to go near or look at him. But at one point, you suddenly realized that he didn’t like you back, and boy, did that hurt! But it wasn’t so bad, because you were little and you recovered quickly. But as you get older, it gets harder to recover quickly, and you’re heart starts to invest too deeply to take everything back so easily. And that’s when we open ourselves up for heartbreak.

The most crucial thing to remember about protecting your heart is that you don’t have to share every little thing about yourself with someone. There’s a difference in sharing everything with your bestie, but when you start opening your heart up and sharing more than your life story with a guy (or girl, if you’re a guy reading this), even if you’re dating, it gets dangerous. You’re investing yourselves in each other emotionally, and too much self-disclosure can hurt a relationship that’s in the beginning stages.

Mother Teresa said, “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love.” We want to love each other until it hurts, but we DON’T want to hurt ourselves so that we can’t love.