“Modesty is a reflex, arising naturally to help a woman protect her hopes and guide their fulfillment – specifically this hope for one man. Of course, along with this hope comes a certain vulnerability, because every time a man fails to stick by us, our hopes are, in a sense, dashed. This is where modesty fits in. For modesty armed this special vulnerability – not to oppress women, but with the aim of putting them on equal footing with men.” - Wendy Shalit, “A Return to Modesty”
You’re getting ready for your first date with this amazing guy who you haven’t known for long, but you just KNOW that he’s going to treat you right. You’re all primped up and waiting for him to come knock on your door, and then it happens. Your worst nightmare. He honks his horn at you from your driveway...
Ouch! Life’s tough sometimes, and it doesn’t always quite meet our expectations. Does that mean that we shouldn’t have those expectations in the first place though, or does it mean that something else is just not right?
When you were a kid, how often were you told by your dad or some other mentor that you should ALWAYS make guys treat you like a princess? I know my dad told me that, and still tells me that, all the time. He even took me out for my “first date” on my sixteenth birthday and at the end of the night explained to me that I should expect nothing less than how he treated me from any other guy. Thanks Daddy!
Yet, the older I get, the more I wonder...how many guys out there actually know how to treat a girl like a princess? I mean, holding car doors open and pulling a chair out for a gal is so old fashioned these days, no one does that stuff anymore, right? But wow, I sure wish it wasn’t. Even though it feels like I’ll never get that kind of treatment, I still expect it and I still want it. I think it’s a desire that’s in every woman’s heart (and guys would be smart to know, and listen, to that).
I love that song by JoJo, you know, the one with the lyrics that go “if you want me so much, then I have to know are you thoughtful and kind, do you care what’s on my mind. Or am I just for show? You’ll go far in this world if you know how to touch a girl.” It reminds me that the desire to treated like a lady isn’t old fashioned, that it still matters. Because if you know how to treat a girl, you’ll be able to win her over completely, and that’s saying a lot!
Why is it so important though, that we hold on to these expectations? Well, I don’t know if my answer is completely THE answer, but I’ll definitely take a shot at explaining why. To me, I know that it is important that I can feel loved, but how do I measure love? When someone is willing to go out of their way to take care of me, remind me that they’re looking out for me, that they’re thinking about me...that’s when I know that they really love me. Because of this, I feel that it’s extremely important that outward expressions of care and affection are shown, but I also think that these expressions should be ones of respect.
Respect...and THAT is what is boils down to. A woman wants to respect herself. When someone else, especially a guy, shows her that he respects her, it is then that she starts to truly be able to respect herself.
In every girl’s heart is the deep and powerful longing to be cared for, to be loved, to be respected, and to be treated like a REAL princess. So is chivalry dead? I don’t know...guys, why don’t you tell me? Or even better: PROVE IT!
Amen!
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